Long overdue updates!

While I have every intention to blog all the time, our days can sometimes seem to run together and I have forgotten. While we have almost been in the NICU for a month now, it seems like just yesterday we started this journey. The schedule here makes the days seem to fly by. By the time I'm done pumping it's time for her care, by the time her care is done it's time to try and breast feed, you get the idea.  Anyways, this isn't about me, this is about our girl. Here are the most recent updates on Eleanor.

• She currently weighs 4lbs 11oz as of last night. Hoping for more weight gain tonight! Because she is starting to breast feed, her weight could fluctuate up and down because when she is getting straight breast milk, she is not getting the fortification (extra calories) that they mix into the feeding tube milk.
• Breast feeding is going well. She's getting the idea of it, just still having a hard time remember to suck, swallow and breathe at the same time is tricky and takes a lot out of her. She will feed for about 10-15 minutes before she is back asleep. We weigh her before and after feeding so we can get an idea of how much she is getting from me. She is averaging 6-10 mls which is a great start! Our nurse told us with preemies a light bulb will eventually just go off and you will be amazed at what she can do!
• She is also learning how to take a bottle. One of her at-home plans for once she is at home with us is to continue to give her fortified milk. Obviously I don't have fortified milk in me, so she will have to be supplemented with that by bottle feeds. She had her first bottle feed last night at did REALLY well! She consumed about 18mls. WHOOP WHOOP. They will only be bottle feeding her when I am not here and she is giving "cues" that she is hungry. All of these are great steps to ween her off of her feeding tube.
• She is becoming so much more alert. She will go for minutes now just starting at us. Talk about heart melting.. She is just the best. 
• We are still on the nose cannula. We tried to drop her extra air flow yesterday, but it was just a little too much for her to handle with learning how to suck and swallow and breathe with eating. Slow and steady wins the race, right?!
• Our favorite times of the day with our girl are the snuggle sessions, bath nights, learning how to eat and her weigh ins every night. Basically, the whole day, who are we kidding.....
• Ben and I are starting to feel a lot more comfortable with taking over lots of her care. We are champs at temperature taking, diapers (She loves to surprise us with poop everywhere....), changing her pulse oxygen on her foot, swaddling, and changing her outfits with all the cords attached.
• Each day here is one day closer to bringing her home. Her doctors are pleased with the growth she is making
   
  
  
  
  
  

We might have a different "normal" than most, but it's our "normal" and I feel like we are adjusting the best we can. We have our nights of tears and meltdowns, we are exhausted traveling back at forth to the hospital but at the end of the day, we wouldn't do anything differently. Eleanor has been the best thing that has happened to us. We are so in love.

update on Miss Eleanor

A lot has happened in the past two days!

• Eleanor joined the 4lb club. In fact, she's now up to 4lbs 2.5oz. GROW GIRL
• We finally got to switch her feeding tube from her mouth to her nose. Now we get to practice lick and learn (which I'll have to say, I'm not a fan of this name) but what it is, is basically an introduction to breastfeeding. It will be easier for her now that the feeding tube is in her nose.
• She has been able to maintain her own body heat, so we said good bye to her space ship and hello to a little crib (or as we like to call it, her big girl bed)
• Her feedings have gone up and she seems to be tolerating them well.
• We are now able to hold her like a baby. No rocking yet, babies this age can't handle that stimulation. So we put our feet up and enjoy every single ounce of  snuggles we can get.
• We get to give her, her first swaddle bath tonight. Moving on up from sponge baths. I'll report later on how that goes!
• To say we love our nurses is an understatement. We have formed some really great relationships with a few of the nurses here who have chosen to be Eleanor's primary nurses (whenever they work, they have Eleanor) they get to know her like we know her and we feel so good knowing she is in good hands.
• Our private room has been amazing. It's quiet, private, comfortable and we can enjoy being in here as our little family of three. It might not be home (yet), but it feels like "home" right now

Keep those prayers coming for our girl. Like I said before, she feels it, we feel it and I know God has got his big hands around us. Signing off for now...

No more feeding tube in my mouth, it's now in my nose!

I now get to snuggle as much as I want with my mommy and daddy.

Now I'm in my big girl bed. Tiny little Eleanor in a big bed. We are so excited though! Grow baby grow!

Yesterday our sweet girl turned 2 weeks old!  We are obsessed with literally everything about her. We are beginning to learn her little personality and she's becoming more and more alert every day. We know she can only see shadows when she is looking our way, but let me tell y'all, those big eyes make us absolutely melt when they turn our way. She's the best thing we have ever done. We are so in love with you Eleanor. 

Let's talk about this screen for a minute

We stay glued to this screen. The nurses all say check your baby first when anything drops or seems not quite right, but Lordy, you hear a beep from this screen and it sends you in all sorts of different directions emotionally. The top green number is her heart rate, the white is her respiratory rate and the blue is her oxygen levels. We have been told to really only look at the green and the blue. The white can be all over the place pending on if they are moving around and what not. We like the blue number to stay in the 90s. High 90s is ideal, but as long as shes around there we are good. If it dips below, it will start beeping. This might mean Eleanor got super comfy or forgot to breathe (common in preemies), but when this happens and she can't recover on her own (go back up to the 90s), it's called a  de-sat or a "brady". We don't like Bradys. We know they are super common in the NICU, but they are also super stressful to us parents. 

This screen relays so much information to us about our baby girl and how she is doing, feeling, acting,  is she too hot? too cold?, etc. Technology sure has come a long way.

Once again, we are so thankful for the doctors and nurses that are constantly monitoring her stats as well as her helicopter parents who , like I said before, stay pretty glued to this screen :)

We we get off the beltline in the morning and see this view of where our girl is, I get all the feels and literally giddy to get to that big, overwhelming building. Such a tiny little girl in such a big big world.

And for Eleanor's 2 week birthday, we got surprised with a private room in the NICU. Y'all this is such a game changer. We now have more privacy, a door, a fridge for milk, a couch and comfy chair, a TV, a sink and a closet for all her outfits. I was nervous at first to move her, but now that I know she will have her same nurses, doctors and monitored the exact same way, I feel a breath of fresh air. Guys, there is a window in here, natural light. Vitamin D. YES PLEASE. Shhhhhh in this pic, Eleanor is asleep in her little snug as a bug "space ship" as we like to call it. Daddy is super excited. Once again, it's the little things y'all. 

Grow Eleanor Grow.

Life in the NICU

We sure have had a change of scenery these past few weeks. Our life pretty much revolves around the hospital. We wake up around 6, shower, get ready and are out the door to beat the early morning traffic by 7. We like to be at the hospital by 8 for her first care time of the day and then to be present for the doctors rounds. During this time, they update us on all her current stats and then plans for the rest of the day and/or week. We are able to ask the neonatologist  and nurse practitioners any questions we might have and it's a great opportunity to be apart of her medical care and apart of the "team".

We normally spend the rest of the day here. Between pumping, her care times and a least one or two snuggle sessions a day (depending on how she is doing), there really isn't much time to get away. Ben and I do make a point to leave campus for lunch and get some fresh air, this is also a good stretch of time that Eleanor is just sleeping away so it gives us time to take a minute just him and I.

Ben has the flexibility to work from home, so he does a lot of his work in the waiting room area and he also has had to go into the office a few times. He has been so helpful to our family. He does take time out of the day to go home and let Bexley out and make sure things are good at home before he runs right back up to the hospital in time for snuggles and feedings. He goes above and beyond and Eleanor and I are so grateful for him and all he does for our little family. He works hard, takes care of the behind the scenes so I can be here and is present for us. What more could we ask for.

In the evening, we will bring a cooler of some of the dinners that have so graciously been provided to us, find a spot in the cafeteria and have a "date night" of sorts. We love this time to debrief about the day so far with our girl. I will say too, we haven't had this many dates in awhile. It's a very humbling experience being here. It's brought us closer then we have ever been. We have found little places in the hospital where we like to go after dinner to "people watch". Our favorite time right now, is the nurse shift change and watching all of them come and go. It's amazing what you get excited about once you are here for awhile.....

We then make it back upstairs for Eleanor's 8 o'clock care time. This is what Ben and I like to call her bedtime routine. We like to get her ready for a good nights sleep before we go home to get some rest. It's our favorite. We love weigh in time each night, we now look forward to Thursday's cause it's head and body measurement night and our favorite yet is bath night. It's the little things y'all.

Once we tuck her in, we gather our belongings and head home around 9. Once we get home we pretty much crash into bed, wake up a few times to pump and then are up at 6 to do it all again.


I wouldn't change this routine for the world. People ask me, don't you get tired of sitting in a hospital all day long? Nope, I don't. This is where our daughter is, this is where I need to and want to be. We are here and here is good.

Laughter is good for the soul

How Eleanor feels about being under the billirubin light (phototherapy for jaundice) WHICH, great news, she hasn't had to be back under in almost a week! Tanning bed life is so last week. ;)

Peaks and Valleys

We are learning a lot about Peaks and Valleys here in the NICU. We've had hard days and great days. Days when we can't stop crying and days when all we can do is smile. My sister in law, Becca shared a sweet song with me that I turn to a lot these days. I thought I'd share it with ya'll too.

Hills and Valleys  Click and listen. It's so good. 

Two weeks in a nutshell.

So that I can catch everyone up and start blogging more up to date, I'm going to try and fill everyone in, in one post on what has happened the past two weeks, but summarize it the best I can, I'm leaving out lots of little details, so these are more big picture bullet points but I want to get up to date. So let's see, in the past two weeks Eleanor has:

• Made her appearance in the world weight 3lbs 11oz. 16 inches long. at 12:50 on September 16, 2017. A little over two months early
• She was hooked up to a CPAP bubble machine (basically helps her breathe), a feeding tube, IV's, heart rate monitors, oxygen monitors, lots of warm blankets and a cute yellow and white stripped hat.
• Everyday she has been given more and more breast milk. She is currently up to about an ounce of my milk, which I have to say I'm so lucky that that has gone well for me, it's something I can provide to our sweet girl.
• She has gotten lots of kangaroo time (when ben and I get to hold her skin to skin) it's great for their weight gain, helps them have a more stable heartbeat and breathing pattern, helps them regulate their body temperature and comforts both Eleanor and us. It's a stress reducer for us and certainly lifts our spirits when we can hold our girl.
• She was slowly weened off the CPAP machine and now just has a small tube in her nose to help with oxygen flow. 
• She is getting fortification in her milk. Basically a way to give her extra calories to help her grow. Think of it like a protein shake for babies :)
• She is peeing and pooping and loves to save the big diapers for her daddy, who, I must say is becoming a pro at diaper change time (And he loves doing it too)
• She dropped in weight which is normal for any newborn, but has since brought her weight up to 3lbs 12 oz. Grow baby grow!
• She had a few set backs with eating, lots of spitting up and not tolerating the fortifying of milk, but we have since adjusted that and she seems to be doing well again
• Ben and I have begun to learn what every beep and alarm that goes off means and we are quick to fix the issues. 
• She is still learning how to control her breathing, which is common in preemies. They have a hard time regulating their breaths, which is stressful to mom and dad, but from what the doctors say, it's super common and comes with time. 
• We love doing her care time with her. Care time consists of diaper changes, temperature, feeding, hand hugs and seeing her awake. We know she can't quite see us now (she just sees shadows) but when she looks our way we both lose it every. single. time. 
• She is becoming more alert each day and that makes it all the harder to leave at night but we know she is in good hands
• She recently has been able to start wearing preemie onesies. Putting an outfit on her for the first time was the best. thing. ever.
• We got to do our first bath with her the other night. That was so special. It was a sponge bath, but a bath none the less.
• She likes to sleep on her tummy. She is content as can be. Only cries here and there. Fingers crossed she stays that way when she comes home!!

Overall, Eleanor is making the right steps to growing. We know not every day is going to be highs and have been told by the nurses that it's a roller coaster ride in the NICU. There are peaks and valleys and that's just part of #preemielife. 

We are in love with our nurses and doctors. People who have been in the NICU before say they are angels and they are SO right. We leave every night knowing our girl is taken care of, but most importantly, loved and loved hard.

In another post, I'll talk about NICU life so far, but I think this is a good start to our little blog. It's a way for y'all to keep updated and a way for us to look back after she's home and well and reflect on this time in our lives.

We can't thank everyone enough for all the love and support. We have such a village around us and trust us, we feel it each and every day. Keep the love coming. 

Eleanor says thanks for all the love. She feels it too.

Our Journey so far...

These past two weeks have been nothing but a whirlwind of emotions. We welcomed our baby girl, Eleanor Mae a little over 2 months early on September 16, 2017. While we weren't expecting it at all, we are over the moon that she is here and we got to meet her before we planned. I wanted to start a blog to be able to look back on when she is home safe and sound as a way to document the peaks and valleys of life in the NICU. I thought this could be a way for family and friends to stay up to date and a way for me to release a lot of thoughts and feelings I have had so far in this journey.

I'll start from the beginning and try and do a "long story short" to catch everyone up to where we are today. From here I'll try and update every couple days what is going on in Eleanor's world. Please know I am going to try and document everything, so if there are some parts that are too much, my apologies. This is for Ben and I to look back on and reflect. 

It all started on Thursday morning September 14. I woke up around 5 am to a small amount of blood. I went downstairs to where Ben was asleep in the guest room (thanks to my pregnancy snoring and lack of comfort at that point) and barged in to wake him. At that point, I wasn't too scared, but I didn't feel like something was right. I called the Doc on call and they said lay low and come in early for your regular appointment this morning. We waited until 8 and went in to the doctors office where they checked everything out, monitored the heartbeat and her movement, couldn't really find anything concerning, so they said to head home, rest and if anything changes, call.

The rest of the day I spent in bed, sleeping, watching tv and trying to keep things low key. All seemed to be fine until that night when again, I found a small amount of blood. I called the doc on call, Dr. Yoon and he said go ahead and come on to Wake Med and we will see what's going on. 

We tried to be calm, but heading out to the hospital in hopes all was well. We arrived to Wake Med around 10:30 that night and were taken right up to labor and delivery triage, where we would try and figure out what is going on. Once again, we did a check on baby and heartbeat and movement were great. We did an ultrasound and couldn't seem to find out where the bleeding was coming from. Better safe than sorry, Dr. Yoon decided it might be best to get admitted to where we can then be monitored for a few days to make sure everything is ok. I got two steroid shots during that time, just in case she decided to come early to help with her lung development.

We settled in to get some sleep and woke up Friday morning to not much going on. We spent the day Friday enjoying the lovely hospital food, HGTV and quality time together. Friday was uneventful and there was talk from the Doctors that we should be discharged in the morning pending no more blood.

Fast forward to 5am. I awoke to what seemed like a murder scene of blood. It was every where. I tried not to panic and called in the nurse. She called the doctor right away and sat me back down to check for Eleanor's heartbeat. Praise the Lord it was there and Eleanor was calm. I was immediately  taken to labor and delivery where I was closely monitored. I started have contractions and major back pain. A few hours later it wasn't getting any better, so we had the doctor come in and check on things. She did an ultrasound and found some bleeding starting in my placenta (sorry I told you it would be kind of tmi) but I wasn't having much more bleeding from the outside. She decided to do a quick exam and found the reason I wasn't bleeding much more is because I had a softball sized clot inside. My placenta had abrubted. Immediately following that she said, "Katie and Ben, you're going to have a baby today." My response was, "when?" she said, "now". At that moment, a flood of staff came in to prepare me for an emergency c-section.

I can't even begin to tell you the thoughts that I had in that moment. It was a mix of feeling scared, excited, overwhelmed, and most importantly I want Eleanor to be ok. My sweet sister in law, Becca came over and we all placed our hands on my stomach and she said the sweetest prayer over our family and our girl. My nurse calmly got us to take some deep breaths and sweet Ben got dressed and ready to go in to the operating room with me to meet our sweet girl.

The whole procedure is kind of a blur, but I can tell you the moment they pulled sweet Eleanor out of my belly and we heard her cry was the best thing in the entire world. Ben and I looked and eachother and lost it, and in that moment we knew we were in for a long journey, but she was here, she was healthy and ok and we finally got to meet our sweet baby girl. I didn't get to see her right away, luckily Ben got to follow her and snap some pictures, but I had to be taken care of in the OR. After a few hours of recovery, the nurses hooked us up and took my giant hospital bed into the NICU where I got to hold our girl for the first time. It was a moment I will treasure forever.

The journey was just beginning....